One of our favourite contributors, Jessica Maë, talks to SMUK about making decisions and the confidence of saying no!
You can always tell the state of someone’s mind by where they’ve been spending their time. That simple truth hit me again this week.
The environments we find ourselves in
are always the truest Reflection of our State of mind.
Whether that be chaotic, or peaceful. Mindless or Focused. Busy or Still. Sometimes it takes a little space, a little perspective, to realign and to refocus back into clarity. This week – I realised something. I started paying attention to that little, but LOUD internal snarl over my ever-growing task list. That frustrated eye roll that was hidden thanks to the saving grace of meetings over Skype calls. That suffocated annoyance at yet another opportunity to do something I really, really just did not want to. I realised something needed to shift – and before I knew it – this became my year of saying No.
So I left my house Saturday morning – determined to sit in my coffee shop chair – and find that elusive perspective. Because THAT (snarling frustration) is not who I am HAHA :-D!
So I sat. I let the “doing” end, I checked the list of “Do’s” “Dont’s” and “Done’s” at the coffee shop door. I just sat. With me. Listened, and wrote. Until I was hit again by the things that matter most. Not my endless list of tasks and projects, or my mental checklist of emails to send. No. I sat with space, and with perspective – till I was back sitting with my senses.
Reminded of who I am, and importantly, who I am not. Reminded of the reasons I do the things I do, and the reasons I am the person I know I am. I let the noise fade, and I sat, with just a little perspective, allowing myself to be moved again, not by my accomplishment quota, but by the very things that make me feel most alive and most present.
Just me. As I am. Complete in myself.
And the decisions that ensued were effortless. There wasn’t a battle. Just an acknowledgement. A simple nod of the head (or rather, heart) to the things I knew I needed to do.
The projects that needed to end, the clients that needed to go and the structure in my life that needed to change.
And so began a different phase. A different space. Rooted in confidence and an uncanny level of certainty I clicked the RESET button.
– I’d like to put a pause here: draw attention to one word.
Big decisions, require something of a level of faith that is greater than merely myself. A confidence that goes beyond me doubting my character or integrity.
Beyond what people will say, or think.
Beyond the mind chatter that used to ensue.
And instead an un-fettered faith in the ability for the world to take care of itself.
I have come to a place where my ability to say No – is grounded in the belief that anything I say No to, is for the greater good of being able to say yes to something of a much higher purpose. That, in and of itself, is justification enough J
No explanation. No self-rationalisation. No having to sell it to anyone. Nope.
If we cannot raise up and trust in the things that matter most to us, we cannot lead ourselves. And if we cannot lead ourselves (which is to serve our highest purpose) we can never truly lead (nor serve) others. And that is a level of character – I am grateful to learn this week.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
A little poem I’d love to share
My Year of Saying No
No to the things that don’t move me
No to the places that leave me feeling anything less that inspired
No to the conversations, the mind chatter, and the lists of tasks that almost trick me into thinking life is about my next accomplished fete!
So I say no to the places that leave me feeling cluttered
Because something isn’t in its correct place
And I know something, somewhere, is not at ease
So I say Thank you. But No.
My internal movements
Are way too valuable
So thank you –
And also, you’re welcome
It’s been a lesson
But I’m done.
I’m heading back home.
Yes to space
Yes to walks, and to nature
To being outdoors
To taking a different pace
To sitting – Just because
To letting myself be overcome
By just where I am.
That. Brings me hope 🙂
Yes to soft music. Slow dancing. By myself 🙂
For I’ll only have you if you are sweeter than my solitude
Yes to listening with my eyes closed, for I hear So much more!!
Yes to people
Because I have the internal space for them
To be and to sit with them
To carry even just a small part of their journey – with me….
Yes to lazy hazy afternoons
And to rising at the crack of dawn
Just to greet the morning
To hear the day come in
Yes to slow and to beauty and to patience and to stillness
All. Because I’ve taken away the “more”
To make space for “less”
And oh how it feeds me….
And I am well again
I am well.
I can sit
And all is well again.
In their most perfect of times.
To my year of saying no. Which really, is my Year of Saying “YES!” J
Visit www.thejessicamae.com for more inspiring advice, prose and poetry 🙂